He didn’t say “Kill me but respectfully please”

As mentioned in my previous posts, I found this awesome devotional called Keep the Blood Warm and I am so blessed reflecting and journaling with it. Here’s Day 2 – Morning:

Morning Verse:

“I am the living bread that came down from heaven. If anyone eats of this bread, he will live forever. And the bread that I will give for the life of the world is my flesh.” (John 6:51)

My Journal:

The Man Who Gave His All

I seriously wondered if Jesus said these words primarily to offend us or the people at that time. Like seriously, people had always been slow to get His messages. Then this? They will obviously take this literally and NOT get it.

I mean, I don’t get it either. I’ve been taught that we partake of Jesus’ body during communion (a church tradition), but why does this act of partaking have to sound like a gross, cannibal act of eating human flesh?

Of course, bread symbolizes food, our source of energy and life, if you wish. And Jesus is our source of life, especially spiritual life. He gave our dead spirits breath.

By why:

LIVING BREAD?

EAT?

BREAD…IS MY FLESH?

Jesus, why so graphic and palpable?!

Why can’t he just say turn to me and you will find life? Which of course He did mention at another time.

“I am the living bread that came down from heaven.”

Then I suddenly remembered. Ah yes, God sent down manna from heaven when the Israelites were in the desert. (Bible scholars and non-… of course you already know this plain and simple.) I’m sorry it took me a while to remember. Jesus must be saying, I am God’s provision for you. I am the miracle you have been waiting for. I am the answer to your prayers. I am that. Yes, that.

That thing which you need that you couldn’t find in the desert you are in. I am all that. I am that which is in heaven that came down so you can taste heaven on earth. Please do not mistake me as a substitute for the bread (or rice?) you eat everyday. I am from heaven.

And if you feed yourself with who I am the way you satisfy your appetites with your favorite comfort food (or healthy food), the rewards will not be carnal but eternal. Where on earth, everything is finite and runs out, the sustenance I give you will not burn out (like calories) but live on infinitely. My life, if you let it in you, will not run out.

“And the bread that I will give… is my flesh.”

But Jesus, why do you have to keep on emphasizing your flesh? If this is something spiritual, why do you have to make us feel like we have to be cannibals to receive you?

I mean honestly, that’s the picture that comes to mind, right? We have to eat human flesh. I just don’t understand the choice of imagery.

Then I realized that Jesus’ point was not about “eating physical flesh” but HIM laying down His ALL.

See, I can tell you I’ll die for you. But that doesn’t mean I will give my body for you. I’ll just die. Sure. You can kill me, sure. But I am not offering to you my body. That’s mine. Why should you get it? I’d rather have is buried and treated with respect after I die. Or I’d rather have it cremated and its ashes gathered in an urn on an altar somewhere, immortalized beside my best-looking, instagrammable photo. Sure, I’ll die. But I won’t give you everything.

But Jesus here is saying, I will give myself. Every part. Not just my last breath, but my body, which is holy, sinless, and precious in my Father’s sight. I will lay it down. (For a moment just think about how precious your body is to you. Will you cut off a body part for someone you love? How about for a world in sin?)

I surrender my body so you can take it and feast on it. Feast on who I am. Feast on my sacrifice. Feast on my fullness. Feast on my brokenness. I was on the altar, broken. I didn’t just die for you Riz, I was BROKEN for you. I didn’t just lose consciousness. I was conscious through it all when I surrendered myself to the hands to sinful men to do with my body as they please. This is my act of surrender and love. This is me saying, I want to be yours. Will you be mine?

This season, I have really been struggling to surrender every part of myself to God. God has placed me in a rather secure and comfortable place physically. What would it take for me to be truly surrendered to the Holy Spirit? It is this: a more profound understanding that Jesus surrendered Himself, His body, to purchase my salvation. Like a Bridegroom to His bride, He held nothing back. Today, He still holds nothing back. He is mine for the taking. But will I give myself to Him as fully too?

Fighting the God who fights for us

My journal entry for Keep the Blood Warm book day 1 (again). Text in quotation marks are excerpts from the book.

Evening Verse: In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace. Ephesians 1:7

MEDITATION: My “sin and brokenness blind me and cause me to pull away from a loving God.”

“You have been brought near by the blood of Christ. It is the blood that constitutes your nearness.”

“This is your confidence for experiencing and enjoying the nearness of God throughout your day.”

“Keep your eyes on the cross… you will abide in him.”

Entry:

BROKEN.

PULLING AWAY.

BROUGHT NEAR.

NEAR.

CONFIDENT.

Broken and pulling away. The story of my season. Can anyone else relate?

I want to be near but why do I pull away? I always say it’s because I’m broken. I apologize repeatedly for sinning and sometimes even simultaneously as I let a silent tide carry me away. Perfectly conscious of my will, perfectly in control externally, but internally in turmoil.

When the weather of my heart is peaceful, I go against the tide. But in an instant this weather can change. The next thing you’ll see is me going where the water could carry me away from You, my heart breaking in the process. I let my disobedience wound me, as if another wound has the power to heal me. Willful me. There is no debate that punishment is what I deserve.

This has baffled me over and over. That even when I feel strong enough to say “no,” I find myself saying “yes” to the enemy of my soul. I am not only broken but blind. Though the world views us as sensical and intelligent, we are silly and foolish and deceived. Until Jesus breaks our chains and heals our brokenness. Whereby light is restored to our eyes and the power to love and resist hopelessness is restored to our will.

It is true. My sin and brokenness blind me and cause me to pull away from a loving God! But what good is knowing this without the power to act on this knowledge?

But Jesus’ blood did not leave me stuck, bound, and dying.

It BROUGHT me NEAR. For the life of me, how powerful yet helpless I have been until I found assurance that I am wholly, unconditionally, and shamelessly loved. My heart would not have responded to anything else other than a powerful love that tore down my walls and vanquished shame.

He fights for me even when I fight Him.

From the raging tide, I was picked up and set upon a rock. It is not my work or energy or kung-fu skills that constitute my NOW NEARNESS to God. It is my Jesus’ blood.

Now if I could only keep my mind on that.

Not on my strength, power, or determination. Not even on my obedience or devotion. But on His. His perseverance to bring me near and keep me close–meant Him shedding His innocent blood. Oh what a Savior. Jesus, help me keep your blood warm.

You can also check my first journal entry on Keep the Blood Warm: I Was God’s Enemy.

Three Kinds of Prophet: Which One Are You?

 

Photo (c) by pederk / Getty Images

The Lord showed me three kinds of prophets we have today in terms of how one handles a word of the Lord. All three have a prophetic gift and receive words from God that are meant to be released as a rebuke, correction, encouragement, or what-you-have. But what makes them different is not God’s word but how they handle it. Some of us prophets sometimes jump from one to the other.

What Can’t You Go Without?

Image credit: WorldNetworkofPrayer.com

Warning: This is a post for me and my Christian brothers and sisters. You may or may not understand parts of it if you have not yet surrendered your life to Christ.

Embed from Getty Images

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Can you go a day without coffee? Can you go a day without tea? I know there was a time when I can’t. When not drinking a cup of tea seriously messed up my internal balance and I had to drink at least a cup or else I experienced the following:

Why Positivity and Good Vibes Fail

I would like to propose that there is something more powerful than positive thoughts, positive words, and all kinds of positivity you could ever infuse in your routine.

By the way, (if we have not been introduced yet,) my name is Riza and I’m a freelance writer. I write all kinds of marketing content for my clients, and since online marketing plays a big role nowadays in a business’ marketing mix, a big chunk of my work includes writing online content.

Like… motivational blogs. I love this kind of writing. But they are also extremely challenging to do for secular businesses that do not exactly teach what I believe is, “more powerful than positivity.”

Most motivational blogs today encourages you to “believe in yourself,” “to replace bad habits with good ones,” and “to dream big.” These things are all good and all recommendable. Sure, do all these, if you can. However, the problem with trying to do these out of thin air, out of sheer will, and even through inspiration coming from one’s family, is that we will all come to a certain point in our lives when no amount of these “strategies to keep on going” will suffice. Our strength is not infinite. Neither is our source of inspiration and motivation. Our loved ones are not perfect. They will fail us at some point. Our determination is flawed. It has its limits. If we anchor our faith on “positivism” and a “source” somewhere out there, then we have anchored our lives on thin air. Don’t wonder why if some point you feel like you’re slipping away from the shore.

Our faith needs an anchor that is sure. Not some lingering cloud of good vibes floating above us. Our lives must be anchored onto something that we know is stronger than ourselves. Something real. Not imagined. Something powerful. Not pumped up. Something alive. Not something that gives way when we let go. Because we all will come to a point when we will want to let go.

That said, I would like to propose that there is something more powerful than positive thoughts, positive words, and all kinds of positivity we could ever infuse in our lives. And that is God and His words (as we read in the Bible).

~ Months ago, I wrote on a piece of note a verse from the Bible which I started praying for my family. It was a verse about restoration. I said to God, this is in your Word so you should fulfill it. I expect you to fulfill it. I prayed with tears. The atmosphere at home changed. I took a new set of verses and did the same. Something happens every time. You see the problem with positivity is you have to pull strength from yourself. With faith in God and his word, you pull strength from a person’s love for you.

~ Months ago, I started meeting a friend who had been diagnosed with a mental /psychological disorder. We studied the word of God together. God’s word about healing. About her identity. About the purpose of lives, which is to glorify God. She is excited to meet up every weekend. She says the meetings are healing her.

Many mornings, I would wake up disoriented. As if I have forgotten why on earth I’m here. I open my eyes, see the notes stuck on my cabinet doors, and remember that a living God has created me for a purpose and a future that is good. Jeremiah 29:11. I don’t know how people are able to survive on “good vibes” alone coming from some cosmos they do not know intimately. During the lowest point in my life, I survived because the love of God held me together. If you and I will choose to have a relationship with Jesus, that ONE THING missing will finally find it’s place in our hearts, and for the first time we’ll know that something right is falling into place. Instead of falling apart.

Do you believe in God? What does faith mean to you? Have you ever felt like there is a god who wants to teach you how to pull your life together? 🙂

I Remember This Man I Call Daddy

When a Father speaks, you know love could not be deeper.

When Daddy says, “When you were a child, a curly haired, unruly, cuddly, bouncy little girl…” you know he knows you better than anyone, better than you know yourself. Even better than any man will ever know you. And you know he loved you better than you could ever think love could love.

Did you know? You were loved even before you could ask for love, even before you could imagine that love existed, even before you had a slightest idea what affection is like, even before you learned that you needed love –he was already loving on you. Even before you had the ability to be thankful or love anyone back, he was loving on you. So when he says, “When you were a child,” he means when you were not aware, he was fully aware and he was fully pouring out all the love he had to shower on his little girl.

When he says, “When you were a child…” he means when you were a child and until now he sees his little girl when he looks at you. He means he is still in control of things, those things that you didn’t care about before but are causing you to worry now. Even before you had the ability to take care of yourself, someone took care and even now, that protection cannot be changed. There is nothing he will not give to the grown up. She still has his affection, his eyes are on her, and when she doubts or fears or cries, he stoops down and whispers, “Remember, when you were a child…”

David Under Pressure

“My soul is consumed with longing for your rules at all times.”

Psalm 119:20
What in the world was David feeling when he wrote this? I mean, I understand longing for the “presence” of God and longing for love or security or refreshing, but longing for His “rules at all times,” that blows me away.

What kind of man would “long” for “rules”? Then I thought of David as king. He must have so many crucial decisions to make, a kingdom with many enemies to protect it from. Hmmm… this must be a good reason for him to long for God’s rules — the commands, the ways, the principles, the proceedings for implementing God’s justice and promulgating peace.

Then I read the verses after this:
v. 21 You rebuke the insolent… who wander from your commandments
v. 23 Even though princes sit plotting against me, your servant will meditate on your statutes

Wait. Wait a minute. David’s enemies were plotting against him and instead of preparing for a counter attack or defensive strategy, he meditated on God’s statutes?

Then it dawned on me… David was not under very little pressure that he had much time to sit down and ponder on God’s words. In fact, he was under tremendous pressure. But unlike most of us who would tend to work (our flesh out and cut back on our time with God) when pressure arises, David tend to cling to (God) the solution to his pressing needs.

Could it be that David longed for God’s rules at ALL times because he was under tremendous pressure at ALL times too? And he perfectly understood that God’s wisdom is the only thing that can save him from his adversaries. Thus, he did not long (in the same intensity that he longed for God) for a human counsellor, a mate to comfort, a businessman to give financial support, a fan to make him feel appreciated or an army to make him feel secure. He longed for God’s RULES! He longed to know the MIND of GOD! More than anything, he longed for the ONE THING that really mattered. Although that thing that mattered doesn’t always seem like it one’s best option in times of pressure. But David knew. He knew God too well. 🙂

Pre-Birthday Reflections

Sometimes I look back and try to make sense of the major events and (what seemed like) my accomplishments in life. It’s been 33 years, almost, since the day I came out of my mommy’s tummy. It’s been 10 years since I walked out of university with a bachelor’s degree diploma. And life, so far, has been a series of unexpected twists and turns. Ask the 23-year-old me, coming out of college, how she envisioned the life (or a career) that awaits her and she’ll probably tell you something way different that what I am seeing now. Is my life today beautifully or disappointingly different from the way I imagined it? There is no one-word or one-sentence answer for that question. But it’s different for sure.

How do you sum up three decades and three years of your life? Is it by collecting the accolades of your years? Is it by adding up the earnings of your labor? Is it by the importance of the position or leadership you’ve been entrusted with? Is it even by the number of lives you’ve touched? Is it by the number of problems you’ve fixed? Is it by the number of trials you’ve overcome? Is it by the amount of knowledge and level of maturity you’ve reached?

Is there anything in life that would sum up “how far” and “how well” you’ve travelled this fleeting life?

Honestly, it seems and feels like, if I measure my life by any standard I’ve mentioned above, I would get utterly disappointed. It is not that I do not have any accomplishment or that there are not many lives I’ve touched. But it is because despite having gained wisdom, character and endurance along the way, I still could not understand or put the pieces of my life’s puzzle together. I do understand so many things now. And I do see the beauty in the doors that have opened up for me. I see the promise, the favor, the excitement, the hope, the power and the potential of the years ahead. But when I look back, I truly wonder how much of what I thought counted really do count. I had set goals and it seemed I have missed all of them by a huge margin. I gather all the “good points” of my life together in the cup of my two hands and they all leak out like water. You can’t really hold life the way you want to. You can only live it for God, believing and hoping for the best, knowing that if you live it for Him, in the end, things would come together and make perfect sense, and perfect worth.

Although today, things are starting to “make sense” again. But who knows how long until the next “twist” or “turn” or surprise. You can never really tell. This goes to say that the only accomplishments I boast of are the thousand “Yes’s” I’ve given. To God, to obedience, and to a future that only God completely understands.