blood of Jesus – doubtproof

As mentioned in my previous posts, I found this awesome devotional called Keep the Blood Warm and I am so blessed reflecting and journaling with it. Here’s Day 2 – Morning:

Morning Verse:

“I am the living bread that came down from heaven. If anyone eats of this bread, he will live forever. And the bread that I will give for the life of the world is my flesh.” (John 6:51)

My Journal:

The Man Who Gave His All

I seriously wondered if Jesus said these words primarily to offend us or the people at that time. Like seriously, people had always been slow to get His messages. Then this? They will obviously take this literally and NOT get it.

I mean, I don’t get it either. I’ve been taught that we partake of Jesus’ body during communion (a church tradition), but why does this act of partaking have to sound like a gross, cannibal act of eating human flesh?

Of course, bread symbolizes food, our source of energy and life, if you wish. And Jesus is our source of life, especially spiritual life. He gave our dead spirits breath.

By why:

LIVING BREAD?

EAT?

BREAD…IS MY FLESH?

Jesus, why so graphic and palpable?!

Why can’t he just say turn to me and you will find life? Which of course He did mention at another time.

“I am the living bread that came down from heaven.”

Then I suddenly remembered. Ah yes, God sent down manna from heaven when the Israelites were in the desert. (Bible scholars and non-… of course you already know this plain and simple.) I’m sorry it took me a while to remember. Jesus must be saying, I am God’s provision for you. I am the miracle you have been waiting for. I am the answer to your prayers. I am that. Yes, that.

That thing which you need that you couldn’t find in the desert you are in. I am all that. I am that which is in heaven that came down so you can taste heaven on earth. Please do not mistake me as a substitute for the bread (or rice?) you eat everyday. I am from heaven.

And if you feed yourself with who I am the way you satisfy your appetites with your favorite comfort food (or healthy food), the rewards will not be carnal but eternal. Where on earth, everything is finite and runs out, the sustenance I give you will not burn out (like calories) but live on infinitely. My life, if you let it in you, will not run out.

“And the bread that I will give… is my flesh.”

But Jesus, why do you have to keep on emphasizing your flesh? If this is something spiritual, why do you have to make us feel like we have to be cannibals to receive you?

I mean honestly, that’s the picture that comes to mind, right? We have to eat human flesh. I just don’t understand the choice of imagery.

Then I realized that Jesus’ point was not about “eating physical flesh” but HIM laying down His ALL.

See, I can tell you I’ll die for you. But that doesn’t mean I will give my body for you. I’ll just die. Sure. You can kill me, sure. But I am not offering to you my body. That’s mine. Why should you get it? I’d rather have is buried and treated with respect after I die. Or I’d rather have it cremated and its ashes gathered in an urn on an altar somewhere, immortalized beside my best-looking, instagrammable photo. Sure, I’ll die. But I won’t give you everything.

But Jesus here is saying, I will give myself. Every part. Not just my last breath, but my body, which is holy, sinless, and precious in my Father’s sight. I will lay it down. (For a moment just think about how precious your body is to you. Will you cut off a body part for someone you love? How about for a world in sin?)

I surrender my body so you can take it and feast on it. Feast on who I am. Feast on my sacrifice. Feast on my fullness. Feast on my brokenness. I was on the altar, broken. I didn’t just die for you Riz, I was BROKEN for you. I didn’t just lose consciousness. I was conscious through it all when I surrendered myself to the hands to sinful men to do with my body as they please. This is my act of surrender and love. This is me saying, I want to be yours. Will you be mine?

This season, I have really been struggling to surrender every part of myself to God. God has placed me in a rather secure and comfortable place physically. What would it take for me to be truly surrendered to the Holy Spirit? It is this: a more profound understanding that Jesus surrendered Himself, His body, to purchase my salvation. Like a Bridegroom to His bride, He held nothing back. Today, He still holds nothing back. He is mine for the taking. But will I give myself to Him as fully too?

My journal entry for Keep the Blood Warm book day 1 (again). Text in quotation marks are excerpts from the book.

Evening Verse: In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace. Ephesians 1:7

MEDITATION: My “sin and brokenness blind me and cause me to pull away from a loving God.”

“You have been brought near by the blood of Christ. It is the blood that constitutes your nearness.”

“This is your confidence for experiencing and enjoying the nearness of God throughout your day.”

“Keep your eyes on the cross… you will abide in him.”

Entry:

BROKEN.

PULLING AWAY.

BROUGHT NEAR.

NEAR.

CONFIDENT.

Broken and pulling away. The story of my season. Can anyone else relate?

I want to be near but why do I pull away? I always say it’s because I’m broken. I apologize repeatedly for sinning and sometimes even simultaneously as I let a silent tide carry me away. Perfectly conscious of my will, perfectly in control externally, but internally in turmoil.

When the weather of my heart is peaceful, I go against the tide. But in an instant this weather can change. The next thing you’ll see is me going where the water could carry me away from You, my heart breaking in the process. I let my disobedience wound me, as if another wound has the power to heal me. Willful me. There is no debate that punishment is what I deserve.

This has baffled me over and over. That even when I feel strong enough to say “no,” I find myself saying “yes” to the enemy of my soul. I am not only broken but blind. Though the world views us as sensical and intelligent, we are silly and foolish and deceived. Until Jesus breaks our chains and heals our brokenness. Whereby light is restored to our eyes and the power to love and resist hopelessness is restored to our will.

It is true. My sin and brokenness blind me and cause me to pull away from a loving God! But what good is knowing this without the power to act on this knowledge?

But Jesus’ blood did not leave me stuck, bound, and dying.

It BROUGHT me NEAR. For the life of me, how powerful yet helpless I have been until I found assurance that I am wholly, unconditionally, and shamelessly loved. My heart would not have responded to anything else other than a powerful love that tore down my walls and vanquished shame.

He fights for me even when I fight Him.

From the raging tide, I was picked up and set upon a rock. It is not my work or energy or kung-fu skills that constitute my NOW NEARNESS to God. It is my Jesus’ blood.

Now if I could only keep my mind on that.

Not on my strength, power, or determination. Not even on my obedience or devotion. But on His. His perseverance to bring me near and keep me close–meant Him shedding His innocent blood. Oh what a Savior. Jesus, help me keep your blood warm.

You can also check my first journal entry on Keep the Blood Warm: I Was God’s Enemy.