Sometimes I look back and try to make sense of the major events and (what seemed like) my accomplishments in life. It’s been 33 years, almost, since the day I came out of my mommy’s tummy. It’s been 10 years since I walked out of university with a bachelor’s degree diploma. And life, so far, has been a series of unexpected twists and turns. Ask the 23-year-old me, coming out of college, how she envisioned the life (or a career) that awaits her and she’ll probably tell you something way different that what I am seeing now. Is my life today beautifully or disappointingly different from the way I imagined it? There is no one-word or one-sentence answer for that question. But it’s different for sure.
How do you sum up three decades and three years of your life? Is it by collecting the accolades of your years? Is it by adding up the earnings of your labor? Is it by the importance of the position or leadership you’ve been entrusted with? Is it even by the number of lives you’ve touched? Is it by the number of problems you’ve fixed? Is it by the number of trials you’ve overcome? Is it by the amount of knowledge and level of maturity you’ve reached?
Is there anything in life that would sum up “how far” and “how well” you’ve travelled this fleeting life?
Honestly, it seems and feels like, if I measure my life by any standard I’ve mentioned above, I would get utterly disappointed. It is not that I do not have any accomplishment or that there are not many lives I’ve touched. But it is because despite having gained wisdom, character and endurance along the way, I still could not understand or put the pieces of my life’s puzzle together. I do understand so many things now. And I do see the beauty in the doors that have opened up for me. I see the promise, the favor, the excitement, the hope, the power and the potential of the years ahead. But when I look back, I truly wonder how much of what I thought counted really do count. I had set goals and it seemed I have missed all of them by a huge margin. I gather all the “good points” of my life together in the cup of my two hands and they all leak out like water. You can’t really hold life the way you want to. You can only live it for God, believing and hoping for the best, knowing that if you live it for Him, in the end, things would come together and make perfect sense, and perfect worth.
Although today, things are starting to “make sense” again. But who knows how long until the next “twist” or “turn” or surprise. You can never really tell. This goes to say that the only accomplishments I boast of are the thousand “Yes’s” I’ve given. To God, to obedience, and to a future that only God completely understands.