Posted in Journal

Untitled


I feel like I’m stuck between the last thing I wrote and the next lines I will find courage to write. If this works, then this must me the first of those lines.

It has been 3 months since I resigned and it scares me how fast time flies. And there’s this assumption among people that just because you’re not on a full time job, you’re probably not busy and so they start requesting you time consuming favors. It’s not funny. At age 31 and without my own house or property, there couldn’t be a more suitable time to feel pressured to be financially productive.

It has been 15 days since my one-week missions outreach in Compostela Valley, a province that was devastated by a typhoon named Pablo last December 2012. As always, I was surprised to seem to have reaped more blessings than what I sowed. I perplexes me how it always turns out this way every time I go on outreach.

Now life goes on. The ride is far from smooth sailing. Crossroads have a way of making you come face to face with the hardest questions and decisions, those that dig up the hidden skeletons you have forgotten about because of busyness. You reach this point and “trying things out” really is no longer an option. You have to carve your path and you have to be sure about the lines that you are embedding. You decide to not waste time but you realize later that unless you’re God, you don’t really hold the clock. What is another month of waiting if not spent in sync with the heart of God? Life drags on. And the presence of a job just makes it less obvious, that I realize now.

The songs are stuck up. The melody disoriented. The dream won’t fit in the basket. The calculations need a miracle. Between this and there, cannot be traveled using my dad’s dependable car nor NASA’s first class rocket. Tell you what. I can’t figure out what will. And so I leave that for the Wise to figure out. Today, I give up trying to be a genius.

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Author:

broken. humbled. a life that's ruined for a cause. a jesus revolutionary.

3 thoughts on “Untitled

  1. Ii believe that God does not want a struggle from us but rather a submission. I am learning to just be quiet and to spend time in His presence. Not “doing,” for which I am known, but rather in just “being,” for which I am learning.

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  2. I am moved by your words and the choices you are facing. I honor you and offer you the gift of my believing mirror. In case you haven’t read Julia Cameron’s book ‘The Artist’s Way’ I’d like to recommend it to you. In the book, Julia explains the concept of a believing mirror — which, in my humble interpretation is a person who reflects back to you who you REALLY are. So it’s my pleasure to reflect that you’re on the right path. Follow your bliss. That’s the advice I gave myself when I was about your age. I have never looked back 🙂 And thank you so much for visiting my blog and liking some of my posts. Peace and blessings. Michele

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