Ever found yourself thinking that you were placed where you are (school, workplace, community) for a special assignment? By ‘special assignment’ I do not mean something that is directly related to your ‘job description’ in that place but something in addition to that. Something less obvious but might be as important.
Sometimes, that sudden feeling that God might be trying to tell you about it could cause some awkwardness. I mean, you’d probably ask yourself ‘what makes me so special to be given such a task?’ But then you choose to silently argue against that voice of doubt by reminding yourself that “it’s not really that I’m so special, but I just happened to be blessed to have something they might also want to have, or something they might also want to learn…”
But then the task is not easy and the tougher the path to accomplishing the assignment becomes, the farther it slips off your consciousness. Until you’ve forgotten, or at least almost forgotten about it. Or maybe lose the capacity to fulfill it because your fire had been snuffed out. Now, how could you impart something you no longer have?
Last week, one of the more simple things God did for me was allow me to be prayed for by a girl named Becky. It’s one of those times when the emcee says “Grab someone and pray for each other.” We were in a huge conference. She prayed that I would grow deeper in the revelation of Jesus as Bridegroom, that I would know my Bridal identity more and that I would be able to pass it on and influence others with the same revelation of intimacy. She probably had no idea how crucial those words she uttered were.
Iron sharpens iron. But what if you are surrounded by dullness? Would you do everything to keep a your heart on fire for a lovesick God?
Now, I realized that my assignment has not yet been accomplished and losing the fire is not equivalent to losing the assignment or call. But His passion had not mellowed a bit.
And this that Becky prayed, the revelation of Jesus as Bridegroom and lover, was what really started the whole thing, this beautiful mess that I am in right now, it was what started the risk taking, the craziness, the radical pursuit, the sacrifices, the setting-my-face-like-flint, the wasting-my-life-for-a-glimpse-of-His-face pursuit, and whatever else you would call the foolish things we do because we know we found a treasure. And I had that sense, that wherever I went, I must carry with me that anointing that tenderizes the heart of the religious to burn with love for the Bridegroom Jesus.
If that was where it my life started, then it must be what it’s all about. But then I realized that we could just lose it – the reason why we do things. And we run, thinking that we still have purpose in our hearts when the truth is we’ve turned our lovesick pursuit into religious exercise. The mere thought of the word ‘religion’ makes me shudder.
But hear ye I’m here now, wanting to find my way into His throne room, again. Hoping I could remember that path. Hoping I could sing the song of the Bride, again. Hoping I would remember who I really am and what I was created for. I remember so well that I put my life on the line because of love. That was the reason why I shouted, “I’m in! I’m not turning back.” And so I remember.