Posted in Ministry, Work

more ramblings…


“Life is not a sprint. It’s a marathon.”

I got myself reading Ptr JMA’s blog a while ago and words hit me in phrases and sentences, one after the other, as if I were it’s live target. Oh yeah. It’s my special day today. But so was the other day and the day before that and… tralala…

This gnawing issue of why am I doing this and what are the chances that I will come out of this place alive.

Tomorrow I get up to prep some sandwiches for work. Extra hours outside office. Obviously, without pay. Then I go for a swim then work ’til 9pm. The following day I report at 7am til 4pm then I rush to a school to lead a small Bible study then rush again to lead a tiny intercessory meeting. I reach my bed around 10pm if I’m lucky.

The next day would entice me to attend a non-compulsory 2-hour dawn prayer service at work. Where usually, by the second hour, I start yawning uncontrollably. (After service, I either go for a nap – which is difficult given that I’m not at home-  or for a swim.)

Honestly, I’m struggling whether to go or not. To go or not to go, that is the question.

Most of them attend every week. I would be setting a record if I will not conform. I guess. But should I choose to go, will I be doing it for love of God or fear of man? It’s a scary choice. The scare is not in the outward appearance of what would happen but the appearance that my heart would have.

Week ends on a Saturday where after work I serve in our church’s Alpha course. It’s the only church-endorsed ministry I have left. Sunday afternoons are usually spent doing errands or laundry or ironing clothes…

Some weekdays are also spent doing the laundry or interceding – mostly for my family or my ministry. LoL.

I soak up most mornings. (Coz work starts at 12pm.)

To make up for the lack of time, I usually skip my swim time and either sneak some more time for sleep or prayer.

It’s crazy. Coz Sundays or Mondays I also have to prep for Bible study and the songs for the prayer meeting. And right when I’m just starting to wind down, I have to report for work again. Hello Monday!

How I wish my boss could read this.

Faint.

Deep sigh.

I love my work.

I just hate the work hours.

If only there’s some way we can fix the latter…

And then there’s the blog post that gave me a moment of ‘deliverance.’

And so I have to probe myself and start asking questions like, “What am I trying to prove?”

I love God. And I love the times we spend just gazing at each other. But ever since I started working, it felt like someone started an invisible timer and I’m always trying to beat the clock. Tic-toc-tic-toc. Snap!

Almost two months in the job already. I am learning to battle against culture and norms. I really should not let myself be dragged away. I must row against the tide.

My blog post is slowly losing sense.

But allow me to get back to my point. My point is. Jethro.

When he came into our lives, everything changed. He turns fights into barrels of laughter.

I remember one time when mom and dad had a fight before going to church. They didn’t sit/stand beside each other in church. But while mom was carrying Jethro (less than a year old), he kept pointing to my dad, signaling with a sound. But when mom gave him to dad, he would point towards my mom as if he’s saying, “Why are you not standing beside each other?” So yeah, they were compelled to stay beside each other that morning.

And when there are tensions inside the home, we just put Jethro in the conversation and we’re laughing again instead of fighting.

Sometimes, I worry about ‘work’ and how it pulls me away from the more important things in life. Love, family and ‘stopping to smell the roses.’

Honestly, I really think that we often have priorities so out of place. And oh yes, I should guard my life against my workaholic and striving tendencies.

But, my work schedule is not my choice. (I did haggle already for my present work schedule. At this rate, yeah.) But my attitude and my mindset and declarations, those I do have control over. Will I allow myself to be swept by the temptation to perform, perform, perform? Or will I choose to silence the ticking of that invisible clock and say, “Despite my hectic life, I will seize every opportunity to lay hold of God, family, and stolen moments for smelling the flowers…”?

And perhaps some sleep.

So help me God. 🙂

Aja!

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Author:

broken. humbled. a life that's ruined for a cause. a jesus revolutionary.

5 thoughts on “more ramblings…

  1. “Despite my hectic life, I will seize every opportunity to lay hold of God, family, and stolen moments for smelling the flowers…”? – AMEN. a timely and wonderful reminder for me, Riz.:) thanks.

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  2. And so I have to probe myself and start asking questions like, “What am I trying to prove?”

    I love God. And I love the times we spend just gazing at each other. But ever since I started working, it felt like someone started an invisible timer and I’m always trying to beat the clock. Tic-toc-tic-toc. Snap!

    Almost two months in the job already. I am learning to battle against culture and norms. I really should not let myself be dragged away. I must row against the tide.

    ~~~
    Hi ate riz.. whew.. I’m actually having some of your thoughts here.. (minus Jethro, hehe.) I asked God for a God-related job wherein I could do the ministries I attend to while at the same time earn. I get up 3:30 everyday for a 6am-2pm work, then go to church for practice and/or prayer meeting. I barely reach bed at 10pm… Just this week, I am asking the same question regarding the “scary choice”. I would love to have the affection based obedience, too. And make a good choice everyday. 🙂
    thank you for sharing. ❤

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    1. let’s just love God more and hug him more and let him love us back more. i think that’s all that matters. and ministry should really just be overflow. omygosh, let’s not have a relationship with ministry or revelation, but with God himself. i’m in such a better state now but yeah i’m still “fearful” for my heart ‘coz i have a tendency to idolize ministry. so grace grace for me and you. 🙂 tight *hug* for you dear. 🙂

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  3. yes, ate, i am aware and being careful of having a relationship with ministry rather than with God. I was being reminded of that this week. oh, knees be bended again.. hehe. *hug back* 🙂 i receive that grace. grace to you, too, ate.

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