Last week, I thought I was about to step into a new career in Training (shifting from Writing). Unfortunately, the door had not opened and I am left (once again) wondering if this is one of those God moments where He deliberately closes a door to keep me from straying from His will. It’s a long story but when God took me out of my secular job four years ago and called me to a different “direction,” to surrender ‘having a career’ in advertising or marketing, not a single full time job in a company had ever ever EVER opened to me. Oh, there was one actually, but after working for two days, something didn’t work out and we didn’t pursue signing the unsigned contract.
It was crazy. It seemed impossible that literally 0% of my applications ever reached the ‘job offer’ stage. Although one time, I had been offered the job but I turned it down. Terrible absence of peace in my heart. The almost 0% rejection rate seemed hilarious. I have never experienced that before. I have never experienced below 30 or 40% failed application before. Not to boast, but it was that ‘spooky’ if I had not known that it was God.
But early this year, God has spoken to me strongly about taking the marketplace. (And yo He did it months after speaking about taking the campuses? Oh so schitzo! What is going on up there?) Well after thinking it through based on the possible areas for ‘re-entry,’ I decided towards “Training.” But what I thought was a wide-open door turned out to be closed. Now I’m left in pieces. I’m not used to this. Usually when God is planting me somewhere, it happens rather miraculously — like job offers knocking right at my door. Or invitation for job interview for a position I had not applied for. Or a job offer for a position higher than what I applied for. Now… errrr… I must be deaf? Or God must be silent.
So I’m inclined to run away for 40 days. I wish I also have some kind of monastery to run to, just to seek God’s will for me right now. Two impulsive thoughts I had in one day — enroll in a masteral course and take up a musical composition course. When I thought of the first one, I literally thought it MUST be God’s will. Hours later, I realized I was over ecstatic. The second one, makes me want to bang my head against the wall and ask myself, “What’s happening to you Riz?”