I switched off my two cell phones last night. I switched them on just about an hour ago. I locked myself inside my room today. No I’m not depressed or feeling rebellious. I just wanted to have time with God. I wanted to steer clear of distractions and have quality time with my Creator who loves me so much that it pleased Him to inflict suffering on Jesus, His beloved son. And so He also said in the Bible that He loves me the same way He loves Jesus. Who should not get wrecked by such a message? But it bothers me that there are days when I am hardly affected by such an intensely passionate love bestowed on me.
So going back to today’s “day OFF.” It was precious. God had told me days ago that I need to die. Not physically but die to myself and my desires. We agreed to have a day-long exclusive fellowship today. Just me, Daddy, Jesus and Holy Spirit. The day was not one of those song-filled worship times. Instead it was one of those wrestling matches you have with God. I finally gave up on the match around 330PM. And that’s the time when I started to break through. My flesh exposed and rebuked. My intentions marked by colored pigment under the microscope. I held on to God because I felt like everything sweet was slipping away. My heart lost the tug-of-war to keep its idol. It hurt. It left me gasping for breath. But then I asked Daddy God to cover my nakedness and fill my emptiness with His love. Then my wound started to heal. Because the chains that hindered love were broken. A renewed and deepened desire for his glory filled my heart. I love Him more today even if I feel I just lost a battle. I love Him more.
There’s more to be purged though. I wait for more of His fire. Like Isaiah (in chapter 6), there is a burning coal that can touch the lips of those who are desiring to be more intimate with God. The only qualification is indeed willingness to surrender. God works on the rest thereafter.
Whatever it takes, take it away… And let your fire burn consuming me. Let your jealous flame come and write your name in upon my heart. Until all that remains is the light of your countenance and I will be satisfied when I awaken, as a lover of you.. (Break the Chains by Misty Edwards)
Take me through the fire. Take me through the rain. Test me, try me, prove me refine me as the gold… (Fling Wide by Misty Edwards)