in some cases, one may call it impractical, or unwise, but in this particular case, i would call it DIS-obedience. and if this personal revelation would also be for most of my readers, then God must be calling you (as he has also called me) to recognize the fact that this is not the time to wait for CONVENIENT circumstances to come before we actually start doing the things he has impressed in our hearts.
i sense an intensified call to OBEDIENCE of a more radical kind, the one that makes people wonder why we’re doing “this.” and now that it occurred to me, isn’t that that this is really the kind of obedience that CHANGES communities and nations? Acts of obedience that rock the boat, acts of sacrifice that make the world begin to question their level of commitment, ventures into the inconvenient that make even the fiery, question their passion. because if we do not allow our lives to be shaken, how can we shake the world?
i am flying to Mindanao this week. originally, i was not supposed to. it was just way too inconvenient. when i received a “mild” burden and excitement to go, i really did consider going. but…:
(1) i got a bit intimidated by the expensive air fare. entry point will be davao. gone were the days of piso-fare…
(2) next, the date schedule was simply ‘impossible.’ jrev night kidapawan will be on the evening of december 21. i was part of a wedding entourage here in manila on december 22 – 2pm – venue in taytay rizal.
(for those of you who are familiar with NCR geography, taytay is at the other end of the Metropolitan map, at the other end would be the airport. Traffic is also terrible going to that area. and yes, since i’m a girl, i am expected to fix my hair and wear some make up.)
then a 2-hr land travel is required to reach kidapawan, and vise-versa. the last flight out of davao is at around 10pm, an impossible flight to catch coming from a jrev NIGHT 2 hrs away from the airport. the best flight would be a 6:50 am flight the next day meaning i’d have to leave kidapawan at 4am that next day. i didn’t want to ‘inconvenience’ my hosts… therefore i concluded that this plight is SIMPLY IMPRACTICAL and IMPOSSIBLE.
(3) my additional reason was that i know my dad too well. he is definitely not in the business of taking risks when it comes to schedules and commitments. unless God comes down from heaven and tells him to, he is not going to let me go, or at least not in peace.
(4) the next to the last reason came in just a few days ago. the increasing tension and violence in mindanao are not exactly reassuring to parents considering to send their youngest daughter to the place.
but tell you what. just last tuesday, God opened my eyes to my disobedience. the funny thing is that it had not been a highly conscious decision (to disobey). i simply brushed aside the idea aside because of the obvious inconveniences it will bring. i ASSUMED that God did not want me to go even if my spirit is telling me the opposite. darn. and i actually thought i was just being RESPONSIBLE, PRACTICAL, and WISE!
…until i could no longer deny the absence of peace every time i am reminded of kidapawan and my decision not to go. at first i though maybe God was just asking me to pray. but lo and behold…
days before i decided to go to kidapawan, God woke me up the night after the solemn assembly (meaning the night when i was really really drop-dead-tired), i felt a leading to pray, which i brushed aside making the excuse that i’m too tired right now. (i mean i just prayed the whole day right?) then i realized later how proud and disobedient i had been. which led to the realization that if i really was hardheaded, it’s so easy to simply brush aside God’s instructions. days after that, he reminded me again of kidapawan and i realized i had been desensitizing myself from the Spirit’s leading for the past months…
so repentance meant “making a way.” and that’s what i did. it was difficult during the first stretch. (my good! bernice, kidapawan jrev mobilizer, could not be reached and there seem to be no buses traveling from kidapawan to davao at 4 in the morning!) and the air fare makes me wanna burst into tears! LOL. but oh yeah, as i entrusted my itinerary to God’s faithfulness, things just got ironed out. (bernice finally called me up.) my parents FINALLY said yes. and my pastor gave me his blessing. whew. God even gave me an intercessor for the trip. and someone gave me 1,000 pesos for the trip. oh yeah, it’s going to go to the air fare ya know… an unexpected provision for lodging in davao was arranged by another friend… ya, i’m spending the night there before bernice picks me up the day after my arrival in davao…
and yes yes,,, peace like a stream is now flowing in my my heart. thank you Jesus for the RED LIGHT. the BUZZER. i almost missed it but as usual, you made a way. Your grace covers me.