i realize more each day how much of a brat i am. (nobody react please. i know my family has been praying for me to come to this realization for a long time now.) my morning conversation with God was just, uhm, i don’t know how to call it… if you were watching a movie, and my thoughts were being played using a voice over, you’d probably react this way: BRAAAAT!
well, what can i say? God, in his immenseness and immensity and immense capacity to love, does love a brat like me. but not without a patient and tough heart that is ready to raise the rod of disciple whenever the ‘circumstance’ calls him to do so.
so there i was about to be frantically disappointed again at the thought of having another one of my requests denied. but God, in his grandness and lovable-Daddyness gently but firmly rebuked me saying, “No, you cannot have what you want. Not now, not the way you want it! And not because I don’t love you. In fact, the reason is because I LOVE you. And this IS love Riza. My love for you right now means discipline. I see character coming out. I am bringing it out. Now learn. Be strong and learn that this is me loving you. I am not far.”
I have strayed quite nonchalantly. And yes i tried denying my part in getting myself into a mess that could have been avoided had i clung to God, remained in him. And funny how i accuse him of leaving me when it was i who left him. Funny how i resist his embrace when it was i who wronged him in the first place.
But what can i say? here i am, not getting what i deserve. as always…
where can i run from your love?